30 September 2009

Dream of You

Last night, you visited me in my dreams.
I never see your face anymore in them.
It's unfortunate because you are so wonderful to watch.
Nevertheless, I hear your voice and I feel your presence.
I could almost feel your breath against that spot
on the back of my neck.

You whispered in my ear,
your lips brushing against my skin,
"I want you to feel the texture
of my freshly trimmed beard against your thighs
and the taste of me coming
while looking at you in the eyes."

29 September 2009


My naked lips crave to taste you
and be tasted in return.

27 September 2009


I dreamed last night that I was walking, only looking downward. I wore a beautiful deep-red wool coat, short black skirt, and knee-high leather boots. I walked for hours, it seemed. The autumn leaves matched and complimented my coat.

I have spent most of the weekend in bed with a fever, for all the wrong reasons. My body aches and shivers, tosses and turns. So many things to do. So many invitations unanswered to. My mind races, and I understand that I am grateful for many things despite receiving less than favorable news from back home. I am grateful of the time I have had with many different creatures. I am grateful, for I have family and dear friends and old lovers and I am loved.

Rainy grey, Sunday afternoon. Everything is calm in this city. Quiet. Yet, I cannot help but miss you.

I read old words I wrote to you from five years past. I wrote of your brown eyes and your soft voice, how your tall body leaned into mine when we walked, when you asked me curious questions. Silently, I used to beg you to not lean so deep, for fear that I might return the gesture. In the evenings, I would cry into the telephone and say that nothing was wrong. You always listened carefully. It was terribly difficult to swallow the truth that I was, indeed, falling in love with you.

And now, I am here. Still smiling at my first contact with you, still amused at the record you bought from me. Still can see how beautiful you looked on snowy evenings. Still remember that comment from a stranger who saw us at the pub, the comment said when you left the table. Still feeling that feeling when you look at me - scared and dizzy and euphoric and tragic and full of lust. It was not so long ago. I sigh. And I know.

I know I can't have you. Regardless, you will always be desired. You will always be loved.

(And I know I should not write when I have a fever. Perhaps, I sound even more foolish.)

24 September 2009


I lick my lips and smile.
Frustrated, yet satisfied.
You read my mind, beautiful,
and I liked what I heard,
what you secretly confessed,
without constructing words.

Tonight, my lonely hands
will keep me company
under running water,
under crisp covers.
I will moan softly in your honor,
making certain to remember
how raw and pure you sounded
at that exact moment.

19 September 2009


"First we'll do coffee
and then we'll small talk.
I can picture us tangled,
our lips in a lock
in some motel room
where the springs are all shot.
We'll leave the door open
and then hope we get caught,
but these are just thoughts,
little matchbox."

Illusion - VNV Nation

Illusion by VNV Nation
I know it's hard to tell
how mixed up you feel.
Hoping what you need
is behind every door.
Each time you get hurt,
I don't want you to change.
Because everyone has hopes,
you're human after all.
The feeling sometimes,
wishing you were someone else.
Feeling as though
you never belong.
This feeling is not sadness,
this feeling is not joy
I truly understand.
Please, don't cry now.

Please don't go,
I want you to stay.
I'm begging you please,
please don't leave here.
I don't want you to hate;
For all the hurt that you feel,
The world is just illusion,
trying to change you.

Being like you are,
Well this is something else,
who would comprehend?
But some that do, lay claim
Divine purpose blesses them
That's not what I believe,
and it doesn't matter anyway.
A part of your soul ties you to the next world
Or maybe to the last,
but I'm still not sure.
But what I do know,
is to us the world is different
As we are to the world
but I guess you would know that.

Please don't go,
I want you to stay
I'm begging you please,
please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate
for all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion
trying to change you.
Please don't go,
I want you to stay
I'm begging you please,
oh please don't leave here
I don't want you to change;
For all the hurt that you feel,
This world is just illusion,
always trying to change you.

16 September 2009

My Understanding

Is it foolish of me to need the touch
of your breath against my skin?
Your words against my flesh, warm and sticky.
I fight with my thoughts
and I can only be honest to you,
from now on.
Bittersweet scraps of attention,
thrown my way but ~
I understand our obligations.
For the last seven years,
I have gone to bed wondering
what you would feel like
pressed against my naked body.
I have a better idea now.
For the last handful of years,
I have invited you to join me
in my dreams.
And, love, sometimes it works.

As much as I understand,
as much as I crave and lust and desire you,
as much as I want to hold you tenderly,
as much as I know the reality of it all,
and as much as you are loved
and linger in my heart ~
My heart still secretly and
quietly aches for you.

13 September 2009

A Weak Morning

Needs. Desires. Weakness.
I want your tongue to taste my skin
and deep, searching kisses.
Your words whispered in my ear.
I want to see your eyes while you have your way,
those amazing brown eyes.
Your curious hands, rough.
Your mouth on my nipples :
licking - sucking - kissing - fucking.
Your fingers inside of me
and a room that smells like sex.
I want to see what you look like
when you cum on my breasts
and I want to experience
your tongue moving from my knee
to between my thighs.
Tongue on my clit,
long fingers inside of me.
My moans are guaranteed
to make your cock hard.
You inside me,
in a matter of time.

You are my curiosity. I need to understand how your body would move over mine, where your hands would be placed, and how you taste with your cock inside me.

You are my weakness. You've always been. I am not scared to admit that anymore.

10 September 2009

Momentary Wishes

~ Strong arms around me
~ A kiss on the cheek and/or the forehead
~ A shoulder to lean on so that I could have an honest cry
~ Unexpected phone calls from long lost friends
~ Laughter with the girls
~ A terribly cheesy pick-up line thrown my way
~ An empty bed for a good night's sleep
~ A super-orgasm
~ An extended break from many people, many things
~ Black inky pens and letters hidden in my pocket
~ The comfort of family
~ Financial security
~ To be amazed and to be amazing to someone

I wonder what you wish for?

09 September 2009

The Rain Falls and the Sky Shudders

All that I need is to be loved with your words, in your unloved and copied symphony. I want to know you through sketched articles, discarded clothing scattered on the floor, midnight baths. I want you with curious eyes and a tragic heartbeat. I cordially invite you to move slowly in my presence. Please carry your sadness heavily in your eyes, distantly. Approach me with caution and take my hand in yours. I will follow you softly as you lead. Return me home to the beautiful face beside me in bed. The smile is gentle. The beautiful face is pale. The beautiful face is yours. Sincerely yours. I have mumbled in this confession. You make me feel so good. You make me feel so good when you rob me of my silence and fill me with your words. The story of what happens when I am away from you and when I am with you. When we walk together in the rain and pretend to swing dance so awkwardly. We walk until we are wet with rain and each other. Beads of water run down your face and hang on your bottom lip. You smile when my face is close to yours until you feel the passion, until we become nervous, until my breath dances across yours. Your eyes are still, in mine. Wide-eyed and scared. We stand still in bad posture. My shirt clings to my breasts and all your flesh. The summer rain is overhead and smoky city clouds are tangled. The crowds rush and grind into our moment. We are dizzy, full with hunger in our bellies. We stumble fast across slick avenues. Our mouths are swollen and thirsty. Our eyes embrace the lights that flicker in the night. Our shoes are full of water. You have opened the wooden door for me. When we fall onto your bed in our drenched clothes from summer showers and humid air, your fingertip traces my cheekbones and my unpainted, naked lips. We touch quietly. We are still hungry. I take your finger between my lips to tell you that I have found bliss in your company and in the theft of my silence, you have filled my with words. We are still hungry. I have found bliss in your body when you sing in the bedroom, when you sing to me that you are still hungry. I have found bliss in your comedy since I cannot resist your tragedy you tell so casually. I am still hungry, love, so fill me with your words once again. You have written me into your history. I have fallen into your company. I ache like I have been away for days and days until this heady night, but our bodies close together shortens the distance soon. In my wishes, you return me home. The beautiful face beside me is yours. We smile gently. Your face pale. Pure. I lie still beside you and listen to you breathe, full and lonely. I quiver with anticipation. Confess to me. Abide. Pretend we know everything and it is never-ending. I close my careful eyes under yours that are watchful. You see beyond the scars and stars and I am relieved. I let go of the panic under blankets of sleep and your rough hand that rests on my hip. You didn't shave for a few days, my love, I notice when you kiss me delicately in the dark. I open my eyes to you. I feel like I am falling into a hill of autumn leaves, burgundy and gold. I am a child grinning shamelessly and tenderly for there is joy in your fragile kiss and the anxiety in your eyes is becoming. You make me feel so good. You make me feel so good as your lips fall on mine, deepening and teeth biting bottom lip. Breath sharp, a moan slips between moist lips into your mouth. Half shut eyes and snarled tongues play and trail across my neck. You are over me and we are sticky with rain. You bury your hand in my hair and face to my neck, you breathe me in deeply. You dance across my body and lick my flesh, fingers that clumsily unbutton and unzip. Sweat replaces the rain we were caught under. Your lips have held my body and hands have tasted my naked skin. My lips have sketched yours perfectly. Our damp clothes play on the cold floor, scattered and disarrayed. Your skin is welcomed and hot, pressed against my long figure. I move like the morning over you - beautiful and new. You move like the night inside me - deep and intense. Backs arch and bodies position feverishly. Lips part. Outside, the rain falls and the sky shudders....

Dear Neighbor,

I walked past you this morning and smiled.
You did not notice.
There's something about a man
with a power tool in hand
that drives me mad.

Your capable, and possibly calloused, hands
gripped the drill tightly.
Your lips were slightly parted.
Your brow drawn in concentration,
eyes, dark and serious
as your long body pressed against
your renovation project.

Strong arms,
strong chest,
strong legs,
and autumn leaves collecting
at your feet.

It crossed my mind to whisper
seductively into your ear,
"Put down that drill...
...I've got something for you to fix."

The Girl in the Cardigan

06 September 2009


your silence is breaking my heart.

05 September 2009


naked is my body wrapped in a blanket
i sit by the window
there is a breeze that makes the curtains dance
the last sigh of summer, if you will,
on my bare shoulder
as i gently smile at the full moon
and shake my head softly
at your silence

i stretch my legs out
feet keeping time to the music that plays quietly
in my lonely room
nobody knows how weak i am to doowop,
i think to myself,
music to make out to:
deep and curious kisses
fingers through hair
strong hands feeling curves
over tight sweaters
on an awkward couch or in a parked car
sometimes i feel like a teenager
waiting for hungry first kisses
that will never come

my love
say something
you are allowed to whisper in my ear
you are allowed to be sharply honest
your silence makes me feel foolish
for becoming so open to you

naked is my body wrapped in a blanket
the wind dances across the revealed flesh
one shoulder,
a collarbone that begs for something else
but the music keeps me company
and the blanket keeps me warm
that's all i have tonight
and i will be alright

02 September 2009

Along My Way

heart drawn in the dust of an old door down my street
surprised it hasn't been washed away by the cool summer rains
or destroyed by lonely hands of the bittersweet
~ yet ~
it's just another thing i saw along my way